Loving Others.

Loving others.

“Frame your world with your words.”

― Dr. Caroline Leaf, Who Switched Off My Brain?

“I saw her at a party last night, and do you know what she was doing?!....” The continuation of words trailed off into the distance as Ekate tried to refocus her mind on what was going on. She knew that these statements were coming from a place of concern for her best friend, but she had no idea what to do with them. She had asked her friend what was going on, but her best friend merely shrugged and avoided eye contact. Now with this confrontation from others, she knew in this very moment her every reaction, even in thought, was vital.

At that moment, I could’ve said many things, including: that I already heard this story from multiple sources; that she’s changed and there’s nothing I can do; or that we weren’t even friends anymore. “We’ve already talked about it,” I answered coolly. On the insid,e however, I felt as if my stomach had fallen to my toes and a murky, damp, gross feeling began to settle in its place. Something like rejection, a feeling I became acquainted with for the first time when I was still very little. The truth was, we did talk about it. She ignored most of my questions, then made up an excuse for an abrupt exit. Someone I had spent every day with for the last three years walked out of my life. At this time, a lot of my friends in my closest circle followed in my best friend’s footsteps.

Do I join them, I mean, they are my closest friends after all. Do I continue on my own? The choice to be alone is never the more appealing one. As I talked it over with my mentor, who also acts like my counselor sometimes as well, I remember clearly loudly exclaiming: “Why can’t I just be more like them?!” My mentor looked at me calmly and replied, “I thought you wanted to be more like love.”

Never in my life, until this point, had I ever had to take a stand for someone who was so blatantly in the wrong. Love is patient and kind; it is not proud or boastful or rude. Somewhere deep within me, I knew that if I didn’t stand up for my best friend, there was a chance no one ever would. Her world was falling apart, crumbling at the very foundations she was working so hard to build just a few months prior. She had just given up. My decision to love her, to be kind and not engage in gossip, not to force her to trust me with the actuality of her actions and behavior, was my little way of loving her. In my own way, I tried to stay relevant in her life. Loving her was a decision I had to make often. Love is a choice that you have to keep making. To love her even when she didn’t love herself, not to mention me, reinforced a mentality I had already been working on for several years.

I had made a solid decision in my preteen years that no one and nothing would ever sway me from being the greatest I could be. The best version of myself. That is the version of love.

At some point in our lives, we were all placed in a position to make a similar choice. The truth is, our choices of words and thoughts have a limited impact on other people’s lives. Our thoughts and words impact our own reality. It’s a custom filter through which we see life and everyone in it. I choose to create my reality as love.

My challenge to you is to search your mind for a situation where something a bit less than love came out of you towards a person and/or situation. Follow that feeling back to the first time that you felt that way. Forgiving the people involved in that situation allows your mind to start erasing the well-beaten path of how you react. Forgiveness is not for them. More than likely, your forgiveness won’t even matter to them. Forgiveness is for your own mental health.

“Forgiveness is a choice, an act of your own free will. It enables you to release all

those toxic thoughts of anger, resentment, bitterness, shame, grief, regret, guilt, and

hate.”

-Dr. Caroline Leaf

You can not love someone without the relentless need for forgiveness. Life without love is a life of fear. I don’t know about you, but I don’t ever want something as low as fear to stop me from pursuing greatness.

I aspire to pursue greatness. Greatness in my life looks like loving the people around me.